Losing Pride
by CrazyGohanGurl
Summary: You think your strong enough to fight the toughest of battles but you lost. If I only fought harder then maybe Majin Buu wouldn't have blown up the planet. Even training with the Z sword didn't help much cause I still failed. Does anyone actually understa


Losing Pride  
  
Disclaimer: This came to me and I just had to write it. A one shot thing and I do not own DBZ or the music.  
  
In a saiyan, their pride is their weakness. They fight for their pride, strength and power. If they lose all three battles then they are know as a failure and a poor excuse to the saiyan race. I guess I can fit into that category. People do fail at one thing and sometimes they will fail at it twice. I did and my pride is not very happy with me. I sometimes wish that I trained for the seven years before Buu came but it was my choice to fight or not. I could have trained with Vegeta or even Piccolo but I didn't. My mom needed me when Goten was born and I had to be the man of the house since my father died. Such a huge responsible for an eleven-year old.  
  
I was happy when my dad came back for a day; I couldn't sleep the night before! When he appeared I felt all the sorrow and guilt from the Cell Games just disappear within my body. He had only twenty-four hours but that was enough for me. When he met Goten it was like looking at a mirror. They hit it off great and I know Goten was happy to see his father for once. That was probably the only thing that happened that day that was good. When we walked into the waiting room with all of the other fighters, that's when everything began to change.  
  
I guess you can say when Piccolo was in the ring with Supreme Kai was when everything turned against us. Piccolo had to forfeit because he knew of the Kai's powers. The second thing was Spopovich and his fight with Videl. She was winning at first but then that jerk was pounding her when she was down. I lost it. I was going to pound the guy but Yamu stopped the fight. My dad got senzu beans for Videl and she was healed. My fight was next and I was the cause for the effect.  
  
Kabito wanted to see my level two of a super saiyan. I looked over at Piccolo and he nodded his head. I did and I heard Vegeta's comment from the ring.  
  
" He was a lot stronger when he fought Cell."  
  
Gee, not training for seven years might make a person weaker. Yeah I got weaker during the seven years but that's not that important. I got my energy drained by Spopovich and Yamu and Kabito healed me. I was a bit stronger from Kabito's powers so I should have been able to defeat Dabura, right?  
  
Wrong.  
  
I got my butt pounded to a crisp. I was tired and he was just warming up. He left to get a new recruit, Majin Vegeta as we called him. While Vegeta was fighting my father, Supreme Kai and I tried to stop Majin Buu. I learned there that my energy drained from Spopovich and Yamu was used to awaken the sleeping monster known as Majin Buu. I awaken Majin Buu; I awaken the death to the planet. You try holding that guilt on your shoulders.  
  
Sadly, I got knocked out by Majin Buu and barely living on a piece of string. I awoke on the Planet of the Kai's and pulled out the Z Sword. Later on I broke the sword and an Old Kai came out. First he danced around in circles to awaken my hidden powers that I thought Guru awoken, they must have fallen asleep again. Well, that took five hours and then I had to meditate for over twenty. He read comic books while I sat there. Well my battle with Buu was once again here and I was actually winning. Of course when all things go good something goes bad.  
  
Buu absorb both Piccolo and Gotenks, the fusion of Goten and Trunks. When they were absorbed I got beat, bad! I couldn't fight any more and then I was absorbed. I lost to Majin Buu again, again! Vegeta didn't lose again, my dad didn't lose again, I did! I failed once more and it was my stupidity! If I didn't let him absorb Piccolo and Gotenks then maybe I would have a chance to get rid of him. If I didn't let my energy get drained then Majin Buu would never exist and he would still be sleeping. I skewed up big time.  
  
So here I am now on the Capsule Corps balcony starring at nothing just hoping that my mistakes were just a dream. They weren't, my whole life was real. My pride is no longer pride. I don't know what to call it besides guilt but I think it's worse than that. I could just kill myself if I didn't have a responsibility of a family. I thought about it when dad died at the Cell Games, which is my fault also, but Goten stopped me. He would cry. I had to protect him from all danger; it was a promise I made when he was a baby. That failed also!  
  
I wish my whole life was a nightmare and I would wake up living in a world with no aliens trying to destroy the planet. Sometimes I wish I was just human so I didn't have to fight but then a saiyan had powers to protect their loved ones. How come when I tried to protect the ones I love, I fail? I could never understand it and I probably never will.  
  
" Hey Gohan."  
  
I turned around and saw Videl near the sliding door. She shut it behind her and smiled. I forced a smile on my face. I really didn't want to be bothered right now but since she was already here I might as well. For once she was in a purple dress and she did look nice in it. I was in a blue tux. Bulma had a great idea to have a party to celebrate my father's return and the planets. Maybe if I destroyed Buu then maybe the planet would have never been destroyed. Good going Gohan.  
  
" Hi," I said after a while.  
  
" What are you doing out here," she asked as she walked next to me. She looked at me and frowned. " Are you okay?"  
  
" Yeah, why?"  
  
" You seem upset."  
  
" No, just thinking."  
  
" About what?"  
  
About everything I did wrong!  
  
" Stuff mostly."  
  
" Oh."  
  
Videl was a friend, maybe even more. She is always there for me when I need her the most. She listened to my problems and helped me solve them. I guess I could talk to her. I dunno.  
  
" What kind of stuff," she asked after a short silence.  
  
" Did you ever stop to think about the good and the bad in your life," I asked not looking at her for if I did she would know I was hiding.  
  
" Sometimes," she replied looking ahead like me. " Why? Are you thinking about the good and the bad in your life?"  
  
" No."  
  
I lied....She knew.  
  
" Liar," she said looking at me. " You're not even looking at me when you talk. C'mon Gohan, I know you're smarter than that!"  
  
" If I was so smart then how come I couldn't beat Majin Buu." I barked at her. I didn't mean to, that's how it came out. She looked at me in shock but I still didn't look at her.  
  
****  
  
" If I was so smart then how come I couldn't beat Majin Buu?"  
  
Goku was about to open the door to the balcony when he heard Gohan yell. The door was opened a crack and Goku stepped aside. He saw Videl next to him just starring at him. Goku moved himself flat against the wall and listened.  
  
****  
  
" Gohan."  
  
I think she was afraid of me. I turned my head farther away from Videl so she wouldn't look at me. She saw the back of my head while I saw cars driving by in the street. Looking at them was better than looking at her right now.  
  
" Just leave me alone," I said still looking at the cars. " I just want to be alone for a bit."  
  
" I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong Gohan," Videl said turning me to face her. Boy if looks could kill. " What do you mean you couldn't defeat Majin Buu? He was a powerful monster Gohan, so powerful that he destroyed the planet. He was almost impossible to stop and impossible to kill!"  
  
" But I could have killed him if I just-"  
  
I cut myself off. I didn't know what to say next. Part of me wanted to tell her everything but part of me wanted her away. I wasn't so sure to tell her or not.  
  
" Could have just what Gohan?"  
  
I looked at her. Her eyes showed trust and friendship. I had to tell her, there was no one else I could tell! Might as well get it off my chest.  
  
" I'm to blame for Majin Buu's release." Oh yeah, that's a great way to start off. " When my energy was taken away it was used to bring Buu alive. When I first fought him I got beaten bad and was knocking on deaths door. When Kabito and Supreme Kai brought me to the planet of the Kai's to train, I had gotten stronger and powerful enough to beat Majin Buu. I almost did but he absorbed Gotenks and Piccolo. I got beaten again and then I got absorbed. If it wasn't for dad or Vegeta then we would never be here. I was supposed to save the planet but a dead guy did more than me. Vegeta was dead and if my dad were still dead then who would be the hero? I wouldn't last very long."  
  
She was quiet and so was I. I didn't want to say much more but everything that I held deep inside for so many years somehow escaped, leaving me naked in front of Videl, so to say.  
  
I wake up in the morning  
  
Put on my face  
  
The one that's gonna get me  
  
Through another day  
  
Doesn't really matter, how I feel inside  
  
Cause life is like a game sometimes  
  
" I really didn't want to fight," I said leaning on the railing starring straight ahead. " Ever since my uncle kidnapped me at four and my father died the first time, I had to train to become stronger. After Radditz came then I had to fight more saiyans, Vegeta and Nappa. I was afraid of them and until Nappa killed Piccolo that's when I fought. Piccolo risked his life for me cause I was afraid. He was my first friend and I let him down. I had to fight for him and avenge his sacrifice. I still wasn't strong enough and my dad had to step in.  
  
" Even on Namck I wasn't strong enough. I had to fight the Ginyu force and I almost got killed from someone named Recoome. Once again my father stepped in to save me and Krillin. He killed Frieza and almost died on Namck. When Cell came my father fought him first. My dad quit and told me to fight. Too make a long story short, I was level two and could easily kill Cell but my cockiness took over. He was going to self-destruct and I couldn't do anything about it. My dad stepped in for the last time and cleaned up my mess. Cell came back and I had to kill him once and for all. My dad didn't want to come back because I've failed him again. It was my fault."  
  
Then you came around me  
  
The walls just disappeared  
  
Nothing to surround me  
  
And keep me from my fears  
  
I'm unprotected  
  
See how I've opened up  
  
Oh, you made me trust  
  
" Not it wasn't," Videl said trying to look at me. I turned my head. " Don't blame yourself for everything you did wrong. You learn from those mistakes, not ignore them! Gohan just listen to yourself for once. Everyone makes mistakes, and some worse than others, but you have to take them and look at what you have done wrong."  
  
" I have," I whispered.  
  
" No you haven't," Videl yelled and she did yell. She grabbed me by my shoulders and made me look at her. " If you have learned from your mistakes then why are you still blaming yourself? If you did learn then you wouldn't be blaming yourself. Do you see where I am getting at or do you have to read it from a book?"  
  
Videl made more sense than I thought she would. She was right, I was blaming myself.  
  
" What if you were in my shoes," I said looking at the ground. " I never had a childhood, I was always training! I couldn't have fun; all I did was study and train for battles! I never went to the park, I never had a Happy Meal, and not once did I spend the night over a friend's house! The only friend I had was a green Namck and he didn't take sleepovers very well!"  
  
I didn't know I was yelling and I didn't notice that I was crying either. Everything was just coming out and it hurt just to say it. I never opened up to anyone, not even Piccolo.  
  
Cause I never felt like this before  
  
I'm naked, around you  
  
Does it show?  
  
You see right through me and I can't hide  
  
I'm naked around you  
  
And it feels so right  
  
" I just wanted to be a kid and roll around on the grass and get dirty. I wanted to be a normal person and not a half alien. I envy you Videl. You had what I never had and you never took it for granted. The only time I could be a kid was before Radditz came and even then all I did was study."  
  
I dried some tears with my sleeve. Grown men weren't supposed to cry unless they were sissies. Look at me I'm a sissy and a Mama's boy! I used to cry and wail cause I was stupid and I didn't know how to use my brain. Geez, when I was four and a half I couldn't cry when I got hurt and here I am eighteen years whimpering like a dog in a cage. I guess that's what happens when you haven't cried in over fourteen-years.  
  
I'm trying to remember  
  
Why I was afraid  
  
To be myself and let the curtain fall away  
  
I guess I never had someone like you  
  
To help me get through this in my skin  
  
" So my childhood wasn't as bad as yours," Videl began to say as she helped wipe off some of my tears. " You use the hand that you are delt. You can pick cards up but never put them down. I know life sucks but think of it this way it is. Life sucks and then you die. That's how the rules are played. Now get rid of those tears before everyone knows that The Great Saiyaman wears teddy bear underwear!"  
  
I laughed a bit and smiled. I could always trust Videl when I needed her the most. She always brought me up whenever I was down and I did the same for her.  
  
And I never felt like this before  
  
I'm naked, around you  
  
Does it show?  
  
You see right through me and I can't hide  
  
I'm naked, around you  
  
And it feels so right  
  
" How about we go down to the party and get something to drink," Videl said. " You look thirsty and I want something to drink too."  
  
" Why not," I said putting out my elbow. " I shall escort you to the punch table."  
  
" Such a gentleman you are," Videl said putting her arm through mine. " Come, I am dying of thirst."  
  
" Of course Madam. Shall we be off?"  
  
" We shall."  
  
We laughed. I let go of her arm and opened the door. She bowed down and said a thank you. I shut the door behind us and locked arms again. We both stuck up our noses as if we were a rich couple just being snotty. We were just having fun, like kids.  
  
I saw my father looking at both of us with a huge grin on his face. Oh no, not the embarrassing parent!  
  
" You know Gohan," my dad began to say. I'm doomed. " Videl will make a great wife. When's the wedding?"  
  
" DAD!" My face was red, I could feel it. " We're just....we're just...why must you be so embarrassing?"  
  
Why couldn't I say were just friends? I couldn't get it out. It was like my tongue wouldn't let me. Darn tongue, might as well bite it off.  
  
" You're just what Gohan," my father sung. I could kill him right now!  
  
" We're just getting something to eat," Videl said. She looked up at me and smiled. " Isn't that right Gohan?"  
  
" Yeah," I said as I smiled back at her. " And some punch. Weren't you dying of thirst?"  
  
" Yeah and now I'm hungry. Lets go."  
  
Videl leaned on my arm and my dad noticed. He grinned like a fool and gave me a thumbs up. I weakly smiled in reply as we walked down the stairs to the party. Everyone noticed Videl and me and asked when the wedding was. Sadly, we couldn't make to the punch table but we did make it to the kitchen. We got a glass of water there and talked a bit. She seemed uneasy about something and looked as if she was hiding something herself. I had to know what she was hiding.  
  
" Hey Videl," I said getting her attention.  
  
" What's up Gohan," she replied.  
  
" Is there anything you need to get off of your chest? I mean, when I needed someone to talk to you were there for me and well it looks like you need to say something or something like that."  
  
" Um no," Videl said but she was blushing. Why would she be blushing?  
  
" Are you sure?"  
  
" Positive!"  
  
I gently grabbed her by her shoulders and made her look at me. I used one of my hands to tilt up her chin so that she was looking at me.  
  
" You know, if you need someone to talk to I'm here. That's what friends are for, right? To help each other through thick and thin and talk about each other's problems? I know you are hiding something so don't say your hiding nothing."  
  
" Well.."  
  
Videl seem a bit uneasy and she began blushing again. I brought her face closer to mine and I brought mine closer to hers. I didn't know what I was doing. It was some sort of reaction and I couldn't stop it. My mind was on autopilot and not on manual. My lips lightly brushed up against hers and then I pulled away. What in the name of Kami did I just do? Did I just kiss Videl? What in the world was I thinking!? Whatever I was thinking just washed away when I kissed her again. It was deeper than the last kiss and I liked it. I think Videl liked it to because she didn't pull back, instead she put one of her hands in my hair and the other on my back. I moved my hands also, my one arm was over her shoulder and the other was under her arm. I pressed her closer to me as we continued to kiss and it got deeper every time.  
  
I felt her tongue on my lips while we kissed. I opened my mouth and welcomed her in. I let my tongue touch hers and ignored our surrounding. The kiss seemed to last forever but we had to part to catch our breath.  
  
" Videl," I whispered.  
  
" What," she whispered back looking up at me. Now or never Gohan.  
  
" I think I love you," I whispered. " I know I love you."  
  
She was silent, a bad sign, but she smiled and looked as if she was going to cry. She laughed quietly and put her head on my chest.  
  
" I love you too Gohan," she said. And here I thought I made a mistake. " I wanted to tell you before you fought Buu and when Goku said you died, well, I realized then that I loved you. I was afraid to tell you because I didn't know if you felt the same way. Now that I know I feel so much better."  
  
" And here I thought I would be slapped in the face."  
  
Well, that's what I did think for a second. I did love her. Sure we only friends but I felt more feelings towards her. I didn't know what it was until now and I'm glad she feels the same way. If she didn't then I would be a complete fool and then maybe get slapped in the face.  
  
" We better head back to the party," I said breaking the silence.  
  
" Why," Videl said looking up at me. " I like it right here."  
  
" I don't want my mom to think that we are making grandchildren in Bulma's kitchen. My mom wouldn't mind but I'm sure Bulma would."  
  
" I guess you're right even though I like us right here right now."  
  
" Yeah but my mom."  
  
" Okay."  
  
Videl laughed as I held her hand and walked back towards the living room. Everyone saw us come out hand in hand and of course my mom was the first to speak.  
  
" I'm getting my grandchildren!"  
  
Out of all the mothers out there in the world, why must mine be the grandmother wanna-be? She was getting no grandchildren for a long time but if she does have grandchildren, I just hope that Videl would be the mother. What in the world am I thinking? Why does it sound so nice? I think I am slowly going insane.  
  
I looked at Videl and smiled.  
  
" You know how you said that you live your life with the hand that you are delt," I said holding her hand tight.  
  
" Yeah," she said.  
  
" And you said you can always pick a card but never put it down?"  
  
" Something like that, why?"  
  
" Cause I think I just picked up the queen of hearts."  
  
She smiled and blushed slightly. She also laughed a bit and wrapped her arms around my neck. She looked up at me with that same smile.  
  
" If I'm the queen of hearts then you must be the king because the queen needs to be protected by a strong king. And you, my love, you are the king of my heart Gohan."  
  
I smiled back at her and kissed her once more. Little did I know that I was in front of my parents, in front of my friends, and in front of Videl's dad, Hercule. I didn't realize it until I saw a flash and I opened my eyes. I pulled back from Videl and saw my mother with her camera. We blushed, we blushed the color past red if there is a such thing.  
  
" This picture is going into the family album," my mother with tears in her eyes said. " I'll make copies and give them to everyone! This is so great! My boy is growing into man before my eyes!"  
  
" And my sweet little girl is a woman," Hercule said watering up in the eyes. " She's going to leave me soon for him. Oh this is so sad!"  
  
My mother cried on Hercule's shoulder and Hercule cried on my mother's. I slapped my forehead and Videl covered her face with her hands.  
  
" I want out," I heard Videl mumbled.  
  
" The doors are being blocked," I said looking at her. " There's no way out unless we can get through Vegeta and my father."  
  
Some soft music played and Videl looked up at me. Oh no, she wanted to dance. I cannot dance even if my life depended on it. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor, the middle of the dance floor. She looked at me in confusion.  
  
" What's wrong," she asked.  
  
" I can't dance," I said blushing slightly.  
  
" Then I'll teach you."  
  
Videl put one of my hands on her waist and she put her arm on my shoulder. She held my other hand with hers and smiled. She slowly swayed back and forth and I mimicked her moves. I was afraid that I would step on her feet or something but I didn't. She put her head on my chest and breathed deeply. I let go of her hand and put it on her waist. She put her other hand around my neck and I brought her close to me. I shut my eyes for a bit just enjoying the dance and having Videl next to me.  
  
" I love you," I whispered.  
  
" Love you too," she whispered back. She looked up at me and kissed me gently on the lips. She then put her head back on my chest.  
  
I smiled. Maybe I couldn't defeat Buu, maybe I wasn't as strong as Vegeta or my dad, maybe the world blew up into tiny pieces. I didn't care. Just as long as I have Videl at my side, I didn't care for anything. She was, and always will be, my soul mate.  
  
What did you think? I took a small break with Low Mans Lyrics because I had this fic stuck in my head. Might have a squeal next and it would be on prom night. It would be a lemon but this is just a fic just to write.  
  
Review and tell me what you think. 


End file.
